Larry's World

 19 August 2020

 The Illumined Heart

 One of [the Desert Fathers], Abba Dioscorus, was once found weeping by a younger monk. When asked why he did so, Dioscorus replied, ‘I am weeping for my sins.’ The young monk knew Dioscorus had led a valiant and holy life for many years, and said, ‘My father, you do not have any such sins.’ Dioscorus told him, ‘Truly, my child, if I were allowed to see my sins, three or four men would not be enough to weep for them.’ ‘If I were allowed to see my sins.’

 The truth is that we cannot bear to see the selfish twists of our heart, our greed and self-pity and manipulativeness. God allows us a measure of merciful ignorance. ‘I have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now,’ Jesus says.

 The starting point for the early church was the awareness of the abyss of sin inside each person, the murky depths of which only the top few inches are visible. God, who is all clarity and light, wants to make us perfect as he is perfect, shot through with his radiance.

The first step in our healing, then, is not being comforted. It is taking a hard look at the cleansing that needs to be done. This is not condemnation, but right diagnosis. It is not judgmentalism, because the judgment is evenly applied: All are sinners, all have fallen short. It is not false guilt, because a lot of the guilt we feel is in fact deserved; we are guilty. Forgiveness of past sins doesn’t cure the sickness in the heart that continues to yearn after more. We will remain sick until that healing begins, and it will be a lifelong process. What a relief it is to admit this." 

            Frederica Mathewes-Green